Last night, I slept pretty good; however part of last night and this morning I was angry. I don’t have a temper and I don’t get angry easy, but thinking about my past relationships got my blood boiling.
I just kept on thinking why me? why me? Why do I have a hurt and suffer because the people God placed in my life can’t handle it? I shouldn’t have to apologize for having a strong work ethic! I shouldn’t have to apologize for wanting to work to afford a comfortable lifestyle till I’m mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted! I shouldn’t have to apologize for setting goals for myself or having an ambitious personality! God gave me the family I have for a reason! From them, I learned how to create my own happiness. I learned what hard work means. I learned what it means to have a goal in mind and want to achieve it with all your heart and soul. It’s called ambition! So why would God allow this to happen? He didn’t, Satan did.
Satan loves when God’s children hurt to the point where they cannot take it anymore. There was plenty of times when I wanted to throw in the towel, but didn’t. I will not give up. I will not let Satan win! There are three things I can tell you- 1) I don’t need saving. I’m the hero of this story. 2) I’m not broken. God helped me piece my soul back together after ever heartache. 3) I will continue living like there is no tomorrow. I’m going to be the person God created me to be, which is ambitious, strong, and empathic.
My friend, Michelle, told me that it takes a strong Christian to handle the above personality. Society tells males that they need to provide for their family, but I don’t need to be taken care of. I want to best friend, a team player, someone who will be the yin to my yan, someone who will make me a better person than who I was yesterday. Is that too much to ask for? I want to be apart of a power couple, where we both have our own separate careers, but come home wanting to tell each other about our day!
I thought I found it, but I know it wasn’t true love if he never comes back. I’m hoping and praying that marriage and having my own family are in my future. Why work as hard as I do when I have no one to support or take care of? I would love to come home to a family where I can provide resources and experiences I never had as a children.