Growing up, I did not have a solid support system. I still don’t. When my sisters were born, I was placed on the backburner and guess what? I’m still there. My mom was more concerned about my sisters and their health while my dad was more concerned about his stash of Coors Light. I feel as if I never had a childhood, but that’s ok because I’m creating my own childhood now.
My parents never talked to me about anything. We never had solo outings with each other. I was never able to create a mother/daughter bond ever. It does suck, but I’m not sorry for not having that. I may be able to create a mother/daughter bond later in life, but as of now, I’m ok. In regards to my dad, he is trying. I think he feels so bad about not being there during our childhood that he wants to make everything better. But how? We are losing our house in June because of him. Like with my mom, maybe later in life I can create a father/daughter bond with him, but right now I’m good.
We moved when I was entering 4th grade from Darby borough to Havertown. I had great friends in Darby that I grew up with, but unfortunately we lost touch. It was hard moving to a new town where you don’t know anyone. I went to public school for the first time for a couple years before I went back to Catholic school. Making friends was hard because not only was Havertown cliquish, but I was going through depression at the same time. My life was falling apart at the seams. I had no structure, no routine in my life and I didn’t have anyone I could talked too. I relied on school teachers, friends, friends’ families, and neighbors to teach me life lessons. That’s why I probably watch a lot of reality tv shows currently; so I can learn.
I was getting into trouble at school and ended up suspended more times than I could count. I had to be home after school every day by 3:30pm to take care of my sisters. I would have loved nothing more than to walk home with my neighbors and new found friends. I’m not sure why God gave me this life as I question it every single day. I’m lonely. I don’t have many people I can count on. All my friends live out of state, but we do keep in contact with one another. I’m meeting new people through different Meet Ups, but when you get older it’s hard to make friends. As I mentioned in a previous post, Tone It Up is an awesome way to connect with ladies around the world who have similar goals and lifestyles. I have a friend I “met” through Tone It Up who lives in CT and we talk every so often. We also have plans to meet up in NY this upcoming Spring!
For once, I’d love to have someone in my corner to support me and just love me for who I am. I’m so many things to everyone. Can I just have someone there for me when I need to dust off and get back on my horse? I’m like Cory to multiple Shawns. Yes, I love Boy Meets World and yes, I do watch Girl Meets World. As of right now, I’m at a place where I’m emotionally healthy, mentally healthy, and spiritually healthy. I’m working on becoming physically healthy as well. Exercising and eating right has never been easier! I’m working on creating a solid support system for myself with God’s help. I’m meeting new people everyday and old friends are coming back into my life. I’m excited to see what the future holds.
Care about the ones you know. Love and support the ones you know. For one day, they will not be there anymore and you’ll need everything in you to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back on your horse. For today is a present that’s why it’s called a gift. Live life to the fullest every single day. As you’ll never know if you’ll receive a gift tomorrow.