We Hurt the Ones We Love the Most

They say we hurt the ones we love the most. Why is that? If we love someone, shouldn’t we want to protect them from the hurt, the pain, the downright embarrassment that they would have to go through? Huffington Post said it’s because of the takeaway of three decades worth of aggression.

Strangers will never hurt us the same way that loved ones will. Siblings, family members, friends, and romantic partners are all subject to being hurt from their loved ones. It is more common in families, especially siblings, because of the rational that the sibling will always be my sibling; my family will always be my family.

There are two types of aggression- direct and non-direct. Direct aggression is hitting, yelling, confrontation, hurtful words and actions. Men are more likely to exhibit this type of aggression than women are. There are two types of non-direct aggression, which are indirect and passive. Indirect aggression is hurting someone through someone or something and passive aggression is hurting someone by not doing something. Significant others and friends are more likely to receive the impact of someone’s anger.

My favorite line in the story that made me think: “One of the challenges for even defining and studying aggression is asking how you look in someone’s head to figure out what they intended to do,” Richardson said. “We ourselves aren’t always conscious of what we intend to do.” The article also states that aggressive people are confused about the motives of their aggression.

What are ways to deal with our aggression? Are there any healthy ways to deal with our aggressive? For me the biggest problem with my aggression comes when I’m frustrated. I’m honestly known to become frustrated when I play mini-golf. It’s like paying someone to piss you off!

There are a couples ways to handle aggression. The first way is to breathe, keep your cool, keep your composure. In order to keep your cool, just take a deep breathe by counting down from 10. If you are haven’t calm downed by then walk away from the situation and revisit after you calmed down. The less reactive you are the better. There are physical and emotional reactions to aggression. The second way to deal with aggression is to exercise. When I’m getting stressed, angry or starting to become anxious, common symptoms of aggression, I take a walk around my block. This helps a lot with my anxiety and stress. The third and last way I deal with aggression is through humor. I grew up using sarcasm in almost every situation. Using sarcasm is a physical reaction to aggression. True genuine comedy where you laugh from your stomach is the type of comedy needed to diffuse an aggressor or an aggressive situation.

As much as I try, I try not to hurt the ones I love, but it’s hard to catch yourself before it happens. When I do recognize that I hurt a friend, family member, or romantic partner I give them a sincere apology and ask them what I can do to make it better? Hmm… I wonder what ways to ease the hurt after the situation occurred?


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