What type of love do I want?
I want a love that is timeless, a love that crosses borders, sails oceans; a love that knows no boundaries. I want a love that isn’t afraid, either of the past, present, or future, but is humble enough to tread lightly within their realms. It shows trust, loyalty, and honesty. A love that takes risks and knows that life is not complete without them. I want a love that is alive, a love that hurts so bad, I thank God everyday it found me.
A love that is enduring, so forceful it leaves others speechless. I want a love that allows me to be me and accepts everything about me from my unhealthy obsession with Disney, an ever growing snow globe collection, a love for travel and a need for independence from time to time. I want a love to be my anchor, but never weigh me down. I want a love that respects Mother Earth and its’ fear for its future. A love that helps me accepts that fear. I want a love that shares my passions, not only for Mother Earth, but for animals and special needs children and adults as well. A love that supports my passions while supporting their passions as well… A love that supports, appreciates, and teaches…
I want a love where its’ drive and determination is fueled by a passion so powerful it leaves a legacy wherever it may go. I want a love that is comfortable enough to know when to stand up for what is right, but also knows when to walk away when needed. A love that isn’t a pushover, but delivers results when they say it will. I want a love that sweeps me off my feet and takes my breath away with just one look.
Relationships and Ex-boyfriends
I had five ex boyfriends in my life. My first boyfriend was my first love. It was a tumultuous relationship where their was ups and downs. There was four and a half years of us being on and off. I learned a lot about myself after I ending this relationships.
My second boyfriend was a rebound from the first boyfriend. Enough Said.
My third boyfriend was my best friend. I met him senior year in high school where he was a friend’s date to our homecoming dance. We immediately clicked. After seven years of being friends, he finally made a move. He told me how he had a crush on me since the day we met and after a few months we made things between us official. I wanted to move slow because I didn’t want to lose him as a friend because I really enjoyed being around him and I loved his family. My family loved him as well. The relationship really blossomed and things started to get serious. As I’m writing this, there is a smile on my face. Nothing but happy memories come to mind. However, he ended the relationship. I’m not sure why. I may never know why. We always got together on Tuesdays to go to the gym. One Tuesday he texted me saying he had to go over to help his mom so we wouldn’t be able to hang out. That was completely fine with me. Until he called me up saying that I was too good for him and he broke up with me. I. Was. Crushed.
My fourth boyfriend came 5 months after the ex broke up with me. We met in the summer in Ocean City, MD. We broke up because we came from different backgrounds and it wouldn’t have worked out in the long run. He was from the country and I was from the city. I need to be close to a city. He wanted to be close to the mountains. I want to get married in a Catholic church and raise my children Catholic, but he didn’t believe in God. After pretending things were ok, he broke it off. I was happy about that.
My fifth and recent boyfriend came three years after the previous relationship ended. The relationship was beautiful and it was filled with nothing but good memories. On our first date, there was this gravitational force between us that I never felt in previous dates. I woke up thinking about him the next day, which never happened before. I still wake up thinking about him and go to bed thinking about him. I feel like I’m in my own personal hell without him here. I was his first girlfriend. I think he felt insecure about himself and his career because of the comments he would make. Not to mention, he broke up with me the way the third boyfriend broke up with me. He hold me he was breaking up with me because he needs to work on his career and save up money for a car. Again, I. Was. Crushed.
I’m not sure why God brought the three previous boyfriends into my life. I hate being used as a pawn in someone else’s game and that’s how I felt in the last three relationships I had. Am I not worth a legitimate reason to break-up with me or are you so scared of commitment excuses are the only thing you can think of? Did I just become jaded when it comes to love? Will I ever receive my happily ever after…?