My anger comes from being hurt

After I interviewed my anger a thousands times over, I realized it came from being hurt time and time again. However, on the off chance some of that hurt come in the form of frustration, I had to remove myself from the situation and allow myself to breathe and relax. Many people do not know that about me. I like to be alone with my thoughts and think about my next move; however I don’t like to be alone for too long because then my thoughts get the worst of me.

All the times I’ve been mentally and emotionally abused, All the times you wish you had actual parents instead of the people you called mom and dad, I’ve been hurt by the bullies, by the person who doesn’t know what your degree is in or what you do for a living, by the broken promises, by the people who think they know, but really don’t. By your so-called friends, by the strangers, the family, the friends, and the exes who you thought loved you and had your best interest at heart, but saw that you were a pawn in their game, by putting your trust in the wrong people. Not knowing if you could survive one more day, all the times you wish for a do over, all the commitments made just to see them vanish like the wind.

I’ve been hurt by more people than I can count, It’s the only thing I know is pain. It’s not healthy and how I wish for someone just to show me what true love is. A love that does not keep score or a list of the rights and wrongs, a love that grows with each and over passing day. A love that communicates with me on how I can be a better person, a better lover. I wish someone could come into my life and help me heal, show me love and not pain. Talk to me on their expectations, on how they want to be loved. I’m not a mindreader.

I think I love more than I show it. I don’t think I know how to actually show my love. I am a hopeless romantic. How I show my love is by cooking a favorite meal of yours, by bringing you a cup of joe in the morning so we can sit in bed and talk, by making a surprise visit with your favorite ice cream, by doing stuff I know I’d like. The little things in life…

I can’t do do-over’s. Wish I could. Most of all I’m hurt by you…

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