Becoming my Mom

I am turning into my mother. The quote is true that you become your mother as you get older. However, my mother and I are completely different as well.

My mom can have a victim mentality about her. My mom is mainly negative as she does not see the good in the bad or the light at the end of the road. My mom does not see possibilities. My mom cannot talk to her own daughters and when she does there is always a dig in there. My mom chooses not to educate herself or better herself in anyway. There may be some other small things, but there aren’t as big of an problem than the previous traits are.

life-is-tough

However, my mom and I have some things in common that I’m proud of that I acquired from her. We are both fighters. We are both strong women. We  both take care of our loved ones the same way. During Thanksgiving dinner, my uncle and grandmom told me my mom would wake up at 7am every weekend and help clean the house. She helped raise her siblings, she cooked for the family, and did more to help her mother, who is my grandmother, since her dad was always working. I met my grandfather during my first year, but he passed away from cancer before I could formulate any memories with him.

064e9df7186e38a679ccf0f100bdfa3f

There is a photo of me when I was probably 9 months old sitting on my grandfather’s lap. Shortly afterwards, he passed away. I’m not sure what hurts me more; knowing I “met” him, but never really getting to know my only grandfather or the fact my sisters never knew of him.

My mom and I have one quality in general that I learned from her. We both love to take care of our loved ones. I  love to take care of my loved ones by cleaning up around the house, feeding them by what I cooked or baked, shopping for them and making sure they have enough food to hold them over or clothes, or treats, or anything that will help. It all depends of the person. Another thing my mom and I are good at and it’s getting to know a person rather quickly so we know how to take care of them. Sometimes I wonder if that’s why guys break up with me because there is another woman in their life that can take care of them instead of their mom. That is something I’m eternally grateful to have and I have to give it to my mom for showing me how to take care of others…

quote-i-think-the-greatest-thing-that-we-can-do-is-take-care-of-each-other-sophia-bush-4-33-18

My mom is my mom and I love her, yet I’m so glad I possess traits and qualities she doesn’t have.

First thing in the morning, I woke up at 6am to be at the gym by 6:30am to for my workout♥This means I’m taking care of myself first in order to prevent burnout, which can create resentment if you are taking care of everyone, but not yourself.♥My mom definitely has burn out because she developed various types of diseases that leave her tired and in pain. This is from the years of putting others first, which is great, but at some point you need to step back and take care of yourself in return.♥I see the possibilities in everything because I have a forward thinking way in life.♥I live day by day, but I know where I want to be in three to five years where my mom can only think about the present future up to the month of June.♥I don’t watch a lot of TV because I’m normally reading, blogging, writing, or studying.♥My mom watches TV all the time and it is always the same thing.♥My mom works in the nursing field, but she is not a Registered Nurse. She definitely can become one, but she does not have the motivation to do it. She’s been saying she would become a RN for the past five years. It’s never going to happen♥I talk to others and communicate my thoughts and feelings with others. I’m an open book. I’ll tell you anything you want to know.♥ My mom hurts talking and communicating about emotions. She thinks it’s a sign of weakness.♥I don’t yell at others. I don’t abuse others. I have a backbone. ♥My mom fights dirty, yells at others, and is mentally and emotionally abusive. My mom gives in to the littlest shit because she’s at a point in her life where she does not care.♥I know how to have healthy relationships with others where she doesn’t. It took me a long time to learn what a healthy relationship is, but I know how to have them.♥My parents relationships was always rocky. My dad would physically abuse her. My mom would mentally and emotionally abuse him and in return her daughters as well.♥I went to get help by going to counselors. I saw a counselor in high school for my depression and suicidal ideation. ♥I saw a counselor in college because I was a first generation college student and had no idea what I was doing as well as my relationship with my family because my parents were going through a divorce and my dad was in jail and in the hospital as well.♥I saw a counselor in graduate school and a couple years after because my relationship with my mom was horrible. She would tell me how I’m worthless because I have a MS in Counseling yet I couldn’t find a job.♥If I ever have children I would never put them through that type of abuse. I wonder everyday if my parents even love me after all the abuse I went through… The only time I ever heard an ‘I Love You’ from my mom I was in Canada. In 8th grade and haven’t heard an ‘I Love You’ since…86f3a790398ddf1c43b138eafd692ff5

The photo above makes me question my mom’s love for me… Is that ever normal?

I think if my mom was given a do-over, I’m sure should do a lot of things differently, but would she take the do-over? I don’t think so… She makes strong look easy…

As always, Kisses on the Peace Sign fingers and Love…

XO Jenn

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s