Own it…

As couple years ago, I was visiting a friend in Virginia where we attended a birthday party. I was talking about relationships and communication with a guy when he asked me a question that caught me off guard. The question was “What is  the  most hateful word a guy can call you?” I said “There is no word a guy can call me that will hurt my feelings because I own everything I am.”

He did not like that answer and quickly found someone else to talk to. In John 8:3-11 says (paraphrased) “Teacher this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law of Moses we should stone such women. What do you say? Jesus said ‘If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.'” They all left her alone with Jesus and He told her to leave her life of sin. No one can judge another person because  we all have a past and we are all sinners.

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My past consists of a lot of drinking, a lot of smoking the green and cigarettes, and a lot of bad decisions. Let me count all the names I’ve been called…

  • Fat
  • Whore
  • Slut
  • Bitch
  • Tramp
  • Psycho
  • Ugly
  • Disgusting
  • a bad friend
  • Stupid
  • Lazy

I’m not any one of these names. Whore? Slut? Tramp? I slept with five guys in my entire life. Ugly? Nope… try again. Disgusting? How I take a shower daily. Stupid? I graduated with a 3.52 and was on honor roll since high school. Lazy? I’ve been working since I was 12. I always had at least 2 or 3 jobs at a time while going to school. I  currently work 3 part time jobs. Fat? I’m not and that’s why I’m going to the gym. A bad friend or family member? Are you kidding me with that one? Bitch I can be. Psycho? No. Not even close.

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What I am is a beautiful woman with a loving heart. What I am is a firecracker who expects more from herself than you. What I am is a smart sophisticated woman who sees the beauty in everything and the good in all. What I am is a broken soul who is continuing to repair her heart every day by bettering herself. What I am is a fighter whose opinions scares others and will stick up for what she believes is good. What I am is a true Gemini who can party all night, but be able to wake up at 6am ready to go; a Gemini who needs a man who is secure with themselves and their sexuality; a Gemini who loves deep with all their heart. What I am is an educated counselor who sees the possibilities in everything. What I am is city girl with a country heart who doesn’t understand why God brought these people into my life… just to see me crying at the drop of the hat. What I am is an emotional mess who is slowly letting her guard down wondering when the hurt will stop…

Keep-the-faith

Today was a very rough day. I cried almost every hour of the day, but I couldn’t since I was at work. It feels like it’s getting harder than it’s getting easier and I’m not sure why that is. It feels my heart is being squeezed and toss around in my chest every minute of this day. But here’s to wishing for a better tomorrow…

Kisses on the Peace Sign Fingers and Love…

XO Jenn

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