An Open Apology Letter to my Parents

Mom and Dad I know you had it hard. Your marriage was more like a business deal that went wrong. There was no love in your marriage and please don’t try to tell me there was. Because it was real love the kind of love where you think about them day in and day out, the kind of love where you want the best for that person even if it’s not with you, the kind of love that takes your life over and you cannot see them not being in your life; you would never want to divorce each other. Not to mention drag your children through hell and high water just so you can be happy.

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Mom and Dad, just because you had it hard in life doesn’t mean you need to make your children’s’ lives hard as well. Dad you were too busy drinking your time away to spend time with your children. Maybe that’s why your son doesn’t want anything to do with you.

Mom you were too busy taking care of your children while maintaining a household. Dad was of no help and I understand that now. Mom you tried to make the best of a sucky situation and I applaud you for that. You showed me what true strength is. But I’m okay. I don’t need you to baby me anymore. You raised a strong independent woman who is ready to take life by the horns. I’ll always be okay and I’ll always be your baby. I want to thank you for that.

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Mom and Dad I forgive you. I forgive you for stealing away my childhood to help raise my sisters. I forgive you for showing me that I can only trust myself and no one else. I forgive you for not listening to me, talking to me, or every saying ‘I Love You’ to me.

Mom and Dad I forgive you. I no longer hold that resentment towards you. Mom I forgive you for mentally and emotionally abusing me. Dad I forgive you for physically abusing my mom. Mom I forgive you for turning the police away when they came to rescue you from Dad’s hands. Mom I forgive you making me go to a particular college, leaving me thousands of dollars in student loan debt, and not knowing what career I am in.

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Mom and Dad I forgive you. Dad I forgive you for taking out a loan against the house without anyone’s knowledge, letting the loan go into default, allowing the bank to take over the house in June and allowing you children and granddaughter with no place to leave. I forgive you for your ignorance since your children are handicapped. Dad I forgive you for telling me that you have documents that can put me, my mother, and my grandmother all in jail. I forgive you for not knowing how to be a parent because no parent would ever do that to their children.

Dad I will continue forgiving you. You may be sober, but you never apologized for all the shit you did and the shit you put me and my family through. You are a dry drunk who still has an alcoholic mentality. Dad, you do not know how to be a dad. I will continue forgiving you until the day I die. You may biologically be my dad, but you are a sperm donor to me. Dad, I’ll continue forgiving you because I don’t want anything to do with you anymore.

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I’m letting go of all the hurt, all the pain, and all the lies you feed me. I cannot continue living a life with you in it. I’m washing my hands of the past and moving on to a better future. Maybe one day, you’ll come around and forgive yourself for the shit you put your family, my family, and your first wife’s family through. Until then, goodbye.

Mom, I’ll always love you. XO Your baby girl

Dad, I’ll always remember.

I’m sorry for anything I did to hurt you unknowingly. I forgive you both for whatever you did knowingly or unknowingly.

 

As always, kisses on the peace sign fingers and love…

XO Jenn

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