Just Thinking About It Exhausts Me…

Today for some reason, I was thinking about the break-up. I remember a post I published titled ‘A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime’  where my aunt told me that the ex was in my life for a season to teach me something about myself. I found out the answer. My next relationship needs not only to fall in love with me, but also my depression.

I’ve been battling depression since I was 14 years old. It’s a disease that is not going away. Not only am I a gemini whose mind goes a mile a minute, but I also have depression, anxiety, panic disorder, and suicidal ideation. Trust me, it’s exhausting. 052606699e3dbc9719e2f7b1752f0134016a43-wm

The only time I get rest is when I’m sleeping. If I even can sleep. When I stay silence to a observation means I’m agreeing with everything that you are saying. Trust me, if I didn’t you would know.

This is why I need a man who is secure with himself and in his sexuality. When I’m with someone, I’m with you. I don’t believe in cheating. I will love you to the ends of the earth and back again and give everything you want on a silver platter.

You may not know I have depression and everything I mentioned above, but I do. I don’t act like I have it, but I do. I’m happy, but I still have my bad days. You just have to be patience with me. Once I trust you and believe that you are worthy, you have my heart. Just please don’t break it.


When I stay silent it means everything is ok. Just thinking about confirming every little nook and cranny of our relationship or constantly telling you I love you exhausts me! I can’t worry about that when I’m fighting my own battle!

I notice everything! All the times you commented on the same subjects just to hear my opinion, all the times you looked at me with that lock in your eye, all the times you hugged me closely, all the times you kissed me like there was no tomorrow… just to throw it all away…


You knew after Labor Day weekend you were going to break up with me. Stupid me…


As always, kisses on the peace sign fingers and love,

XO Jenn


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