About Me, part 3, Relationships

After many days, months, hours of driving, minutes of talking, screaming, and crying out to God, after many times over wondering why the last two ex-boyfriends I had used cop outs to leave the relationship with me, the narcissist in me wonders if she’ll ever find her happy ending.

You can used to the pain, you get used to everything being your fault, you get used to people leaving that you can finally say that you are used to it. I’m sorry, but no. Am I not worth a legitimate reason as to why you are leaving the relationship, besides saying that “I’m too good for you.” and “I have to work on my career and save up money for a car.”? Fine, you want you used excuses to get out of the relationship with me, fine. I wasn’t the one asking for you to be my boyfriend. You asked me to be your girlfriend.

I’m not that type of girl to go out looking, hunting for a boyfriend. I was never that type of girl and will never become that type of girl. I’m good by myself. I’m independent and will always be an independent woman. I don’t need taking care of. I can take care of myself.

I’m scare that when the right guy does come into my life, I’m scare I won’t know that he’s meant to be there. That he will become my future husband. If someone asks me how will I know? My honest response will be along the lines of “I’ll know when they stay.” or “Stay. Don’t leave.” To have two ex boyfriends one right after the other use cop outs and excuses to leave the relationship, it sucks. It hurts. It’s a feeling I don’t wish on my worst enemy.

It leaves you numb and knowing you can’t change whatever qualities about you to better yourself for the next relationship hurts… they were too immature to give you any.

I do hope my future husband is out there somewhere. I have a feeling I’ll meet him soon. There are qualities about me that signifies I’m meant to be a mom and a wife. My caring nature.

I’m the motherly person in every group I’m in. After a night of drinking, I’ll always be the sober one because I don’t like drinking that much, I’ll cook for you. I’ll make sure you get enough water and aspirin in you so you won’t get a hangover. I’ll cook and bake for you whenever. I love cooking and baking! I’ll have a career where I can take care of our children and have dinner on the table when you get home from work. I’ve been in the babysitting field for a long time. I know how to take care of people. It’s the one quality that I’ve been extremely blessed with and love to have!

What qualities do you have that God gave you that is a helping quality? A quality that you’re thankful to have?

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As always, kisses on the peace sign fingers and love…

XO Jenn

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